It has indeed been a while since I last blogged, and I am sorry for that, I've just had a really hard time finding balance between life and weight loss, and creating. As some of you know, I am on a mammoth weight loss journey.
I started last year sometime, about 7ish months ago.
and in that time, Ive had to re- teach myself how to eat, I've had to force myself to start exerciseing, to continually drink water (which I still to this day fail at) and to find the time in my day to get these things done, while still remaining true to myself, and it aint a walk in the park! I've struggled, I've taken many steps back, and bounded forward.
I've been found huddled up in a ball crying my eyes out when my body wasnt losing any weight, or would lost 800 grams in 4 weeks, which played with my head. I've had blood tests, and drs apointments and finally discovered that my thyroid is lazy and needed to go onto meds.
It has been a personal roller coaster that has taken me on many highs, and so so many lows. It's all consuming, and that drives me insane. I still to this day struggle, and today I was pretty low, that my body was once again turning against me and not shedding the weight the way it should, even after my trainer upped my exercise by quite a bit...but I wont stop. I cant stop now.
I've lost 1 and a half of my children in weight...I have to focus on that achievement instead of berating myself for not having lost more by this time. Weight loss is physical yes...but its such a mental fight too.
I find myself lost in this massive weight loss loop, and the stress of being a certain weight by my wedding next year consumes most of my waking moments...but I want to change that...I want to live life...and if I start living instead of worrying maybe then...my body will let go of the weight its holding so tightly onto.
I was always ashamed, and still am to a degree of my body, but I know I am taking the steps to CHANGE my body, so these images have no shameful power over me.
one of my first photos at the start of my journey, I was sad unhappy and just had enough of living a life that was killing me.
and this is me 29.8kg lighter. (65 pounds for my usa girls reading)
I am going to be more dilligent in blogging, I know so many read my words, and look at my artwork, the day to day living of my little family...this blog is key to helping me overcome this journey, to take control of it, I know that now..this blog is one of my power tools.
I hope I've inspired you guys to get up and change your life in one way or another...its bloody hard...but its worth it.
I'll see you tomorrow with an update on my art and filofax bits and bobs
xxx Courtney
