Monday, August 5, 2013

Where Have I Been!!? - The Struggle to Weight Loss

It has indeed been a while since I last blogged, and I am sorry for that, I've just had a really hard time finding balance between life and weight loss, and creating. As some of you know, I am on a mammoth weight loss journey.
I started last year sometime, about 7ish months ago.
and in that time, Ive had to re- teach myself how to eat, I've had to force myself to start exerciseing, to continually drink water (which I still to this day fail at) and to find the time in my day to get these things done, while still remaining true to myself, and it aint a walk in the park! I've struggled, I've taken many steps back, and bounded forward.

I've been found huddled up in  a ball crying my eyes out when my body wasnt losing any weight, or would lost 800 grams in 4 weeks, which played with my head. I've had blood tests, and drs apointments and finally discovered that my thyroid is lazy and needed to go onto meds.

It has been a personal roller coaster that has taken me on many highs, and so so many lows. It's all consuming, and that drives me insane. I still to this day struggle, and today I was pretty low, that my body was once again turning against me and not shedding the weight the way it should, even after my trainer upped my exercise by quite a bit...but I wont stop. I cant stop now.

I've lost 1 and a half of my children in weight...I have to focus on that achievement instead of berating myself for not having lost more by this time. Weight loss is physical yes...but its such a mental fight too.

I find myself lost in this massive weight loss loop, and the stress of being a certain weight by my wedding next year consumes most of my waking moments...but I want to change that...I want to live life...and if I start living instead of worrying maybe then...my body will let go of the weight its holding so tightly onto.


I was always ashamed, and still am to a degree of my body, but I know I am taking the steps to CHANGE my body, so these images have no shameful power over me.
one of my first photos at the start of my journey, I was sad unhappy and just had enough of living a life that was killing me.


and this is me 29.8kg lighter. (65 pounds for my usa girls reading)
I am going to be more dilligent in blogging, I know so many read my words, and look at my artwork, the day to day living of my little family...this blog is key to helping me overcome this journey, to take control of it, I know that now..this blog is one of my power tools.

I hope I've inspired you guys to get up and change your life in one way or another...its bloody hard...but its worth it.

I'll see you tomorrow with an update on my art and filofax bits and bobs
 xxx Courtney

31 comments:

  1. Hi Courtney,
    Wow!!! Congrats! You're taking things in your own hands, so bravo for having that courage and for sharing your struggle with us. I'm on a similar journey, so it's always inspiring and empowering to see that someone else is ahead on the trail!
    xoxo from Bordeaux, FR

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  2. I am so incredibly proud of you, I always have been and I always will be. YOU amaze me every day with how you tackle the universe, wrangle it, beat it into submission and make it your bitch.

    I love you xx L

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  3. Way to go Courtney. I am so proud of you and what you are accomplishing. Good to know that I too struggle with it daily and I have accepted my love hate relationship with this journey. Keep up the work YOU look fabulous in both of the full photos. You are way braver than this girl.

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  4. You're doing a great job! Keep going, and remember the bad times are part of the process, not a sign of failure. You are amazing!

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  5. You are an inspiration Courtney. Well done. Don't give in now! You are amazing.

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  6. Yeah, Courtney! What a lovely and brave spirit you have. I have only known you through the mermaids, and your filofax gorgeousness on FB lately, but I can see all the love you have for your family, and I know you will extend that to yourself. Be kind to yourself on your weight loss journey. Don't give up hope. I lost thirty five pounds this last year, and even for that smaller goal I know how hard it is to keep it off when old habits want to return, but how joyful I feel to be in charge. The daily art practice is my nourishment now.

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  7. Courtney,
    It's not easy is it... give your self a little pat on the back for all you have done so far. But stay on the course and keep working that bit harder each week and we know you can achieve the weight you are heading for.
    Just from your face I can see you have lost a lot of weight compare some pictures side by side and you will see what I mean.
    But make sure of one thing.... keep smiling
    Best regards
    Steve

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  8. I see strength, beauty, & heart...in each of your pictures; & so much joy in your after pix! Many blessings ~H♥~

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  9. Courtney,

    Your honesty about your struggle and faith to keep fighting for your goal has inspired me to keep fighting. I have lost 60 lbs but then got stuck and the weight just stopped dropping so I just wanted to quit because it is such a difficult fight mentally, physically and for me emotionally. I don't have a wonderful event like getting married to make my goal so I have lost my spirit to fight to be healthier until I read your struggle today and I do not feel alone. I am inspired to go back to exercising and continue to fight to be healthier. I joined your blog because your art work is so lovely, but I did not realize that your story would inspire me to go back and keeping fighting to lose weight. I humbly thank you.

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  10. You're doing amazing, love, keep going in the knowledge you're a beautiful person through and through!

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  11. You are doing the most amazing job, Courtney!

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  12. wow you are working so hard. keep it up and thanks for being an inspiration

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  13. Hey Courts well done I too am on a weight loss journey and i know how hard it is but your gorgeous inside and out I'm one of the lucky people who has had the privledge of meeting you xxx

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  14. Beautiful girl you are gonna ROCK that wedding dress. Totally inspirational!

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  15. Holy Crap! You lost 65 pounds? That's amazing! And you look awesome! :-)

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  16. Holy Crap! You lost 65 pounds? That's amazing! And you look awesome! :-)

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  17. That is fantastic! Congrats on the weight loss you look fantastic. I've ridden the roller coaster as well and after a month most recently, loss the 11 lbs. I gained since moving back to the U.S. from London.

    I too work at the water, exercise, and eating well. However, I look at it this way, there maybe days where I fail in some respect on one or all three counts, but tomorrow is another day to start fresh. It's one more day or meal of eating right, one more workout I did... bottom line is anything you do to make your self healthy is one you did, and that is what matters in my book.

    Good luck on your endeavors and love your art work ^_*.

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  18. That's just fantastic! And very inspiring :)

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  19. I just popped in to see if there were any Filofax-updates and then saw this. That's incredible! Well done!

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  21. You are beautiful!!! Keep it up! Remember it is what you think about yourself that is important. The media tells us how we should look, that being underweight and having silicone where we should have fat is beauty. If anything do it for health cuz baby your beautiful!!!

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  22. Just now found this blog. Congrats on your weight loss! Its not easy, I'm doing the same work here. Down quite a few pounds myself and it isn't without a struggle! Let's both keep at it and we will succeed!

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  23. Oh wow, I so feel for you. I have been through a similar journey, so completely understand the mental battle as well. I lost over 60kgs, because I don't know what my weight was to start with. Just keep going. That is my advice. And it doesn't stop once you reach the place you want to be. Maintaining is also a mental attitude. It's not just the scales, it's how your clothes feel on you, and how you feel; stronger, better, healthier, etc. I'm cheering for you. It took me about 14 months to get close to my goal. I haven't ever actually reached it, always out by at least a couple of kilos, but hey, my size has gone down, even when the scales haven't. You will get there. ;-)

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Thanks so much for the lovely comments! it makes my day to know that Im not babbling to myself!
Ink and Love
Courtney
xx